Category Archives: Humour

I’ve got a new joke about an umbrella but I think it might go over people’s heads… I’m looking to hire a Chef who is very frugal with herbs. No thyme wasters please… I Googled the phrase “missing medieval servant”. It came back with “Page not found”. I got a book titled ‘A Guide toContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wagon of wisecracks …”

Opened a tin of paint and found model figures of King Arthur, Lancelot, and Sir Galahad floating in it. The knights in white satin. I’m appearing in a film being made about Greggs the Bakers. I’ll be playing a small roll. I thought it would be easy to balance a bucket of Tippex on myContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …”

Went for a check-up and asked the Doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life?” He replied, “I’m not sure, Mercury is in Uranus right now.” I said, “I don’t believe in any of that astrology nonsense!” He replied, “Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.” I once went for a jobContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s freight of festivities …”

I just changed my computer login password to ‘Alcatraz’ and now the ‘Esc’ button won’t work? My wife left me because of my addiction to touching pasta. Now I’m feeling cannelloni… Gandalf came into my shop and asked “Do I get any money off for having this big stick?” I said, “No I’m sorry, weContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s saucer of saucy sardine secretions”

I’ve just been to a pub called “The Old Fiddle”. I wouldn’t go there again though, it was a vile inn… The first rule of ‘Cliff Richard Club’ is that we don’t talk anymore about ‘Cliff Richard Club’… Puns about ‘Riverdance’? I flatley refuse to post them. Police have arrested a man allegedly caught stealingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …”

If you say the word ‘gullible’ very, very, VERY slowly. It sounds like orange. Was driving down the motorway yesterday in a hearse. Police pulled me over for undertaking. I spent ages trying to cross a busy road… A passer-by said, “There’s a pelican crossing up the road”. I replied “I hope he’s having betterContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns”

Highlighter pens are going to be a real problem one day, mark my words… People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest… Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. What do you callContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s flagon of funny stuff”

Just started a new employment blowing the whistle at the end of football matches… It’s a full-time job. What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? Stationery. Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why, just started filling up. Robin: The batmobile won’t start. Batman: Check the battery. Robin:Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms”