I’ve just been to a pub called “The Old Fiddle”. I wouldn’t go there again though, it was a vile inn… The first rule of ‘Cliff Richard Club’ is that we don’t talk anymore about ‘Cliff Richard Club’… Puns about ‘Riverdance’? I flatley refuse to post them. Police have arrested a man allegedly caught stealingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …”
Tag Archives: Humour
Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns
If you say the word ‘gullible’ very, very, VERY slowly. It sounds like orange. Was driving down the motorway yesterday in a hearse. Police pulled me over for undertaking. I spent ages trying to cross a busy road… A passer-by said, “There’s a pelican crossing up the road”. I replied “I hope he’s having betterContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns”
Joke of the Day: Friday’s flagon of funny stuff
Highlighter pens are going to be a real problem one day, mark my words… People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest… Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. What do you callContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s flagon of funny stuff”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms
Just started a new employment blowing the whistle at the end of football matches… It’s a full-time job. What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? Stationery. Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why, just started filling up. Robin: The batmobile won’t start. Batman: Check the battery. Robin:Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s trunk of tomfoolery
I’ve been diagnosed with a rare type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. There is no cure. Why don’t French people ever get two or more Easter eggs? Because one egg is always un œuf. I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it! Apparently,Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s trunk of tomfoolery”
Joke of the Day: History
Need to find out the cost of buying one of those Elizabethan circular neck garments for a fancy dress party. Can anyone give me a ruff estimate? What do you call your average ancient Greek? Mediocrates. 100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car andContinue reading “Joke of the Day: History”
Joke of the Day: Hands
Why shouldn’t you shake hands with Tigger? Because he plays with Pooh. My Mum’s sister keeps taking the law into her own hands… She’s a vigilauntie. I recently went to a seance hosted by Neil Diamond… Hands, touching hands, reaching out… 6.30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down. I’m glad I knowContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Hands”
Joke of the Day: Secrets
For the past 20 years, I’ve had a Valentine’s card from a secret admirer. I was sad I didn’t get one this year! First, my gran dies, and now this! I’ve been banned from the Secret Cooking Society… I kept spilling the beans. What was the Soviet Union’s most secretive insect? The Cagey Bee. I’mContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Secrets”
Joke of the Day: Dead Funny
Where are dead computer hackers buried? In decrypt. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need. At weddings, old people always poke me and say you’ll be next! It’s so annoying!… so.. I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals. I was at aContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Dead Funny”
Quote of the Day: Vegetables
My mate just passed his NVQ in vegetarianism. He’s quiche stage one. I was once abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, blow my nose, clean my room, and eat my vegetables… Turns out I was on the mothership. My local greengrocer has won a contract to supply root vegetables to the SouthContinue reading “Quote of the Day: Vegetables”
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