Joke of the Day: History

Need to find out the cost of buying one of those Elizabethan circular neck garments for a fancy dress party.

Can anyone give me a ruff estimate?

What do you call your average ancient Greek?

Mediocrates.

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars.

Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.

Oh how the stables have turned…

Lance is an uncommon name these days, however in medieval times people were named Lance a lot…

Robber: “Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!’

Cashier (puzzled) “Did you mean to say “or you’re history?”

Robber: “Don’t change the subject.”

I failed my Greek mythology exam last week…

I think my lack of revision was my Achilles elbow.

I’m fed up with vegetarians interrogating me about my eating habits…

It’s like the spinach inquisition!

Who was King Arthur’s alcoholic knight?

Sir Ohsis of the Liver.

The Bayeux Tapestry isn’t an accurate historical record at all.

The whole thing was embroidered…

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

The Ancient Egyptians were good at building – but only up to a point…

Saw a sign in a cafe that said they serve breakfast at any time.

I asked for a bacon sandwich during the Industrial Revolution.

I went to a pub called ‘The Light Brigade’ recently.

They certainly knew how to charge.

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pyramid covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. It’s believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.

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This Day in History: March 31st

Here are ten significant events that occurred on March 31st throughout history:

  1. 1492: Queen Isabella of Castile issues the Alhambra Decree, ordering all Jews in Spain to convert to Christianity or leave the country.
  2. 1774: The Coercive Acts, also known as the Intolerable Acts, are passed by the British Parliament, leading to increased tensions between Britain and the American colonies.
  3. 1889: The Eiffel Tower in Paris, France is officially opened to the public.
  4. 1906: The Intercollegiate Athletic Association of the United States is established, which later becomes the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).
  5. 1917: The United States takes possession of the Danish West Indies, renaming them the U.S. Virgin Islands.
  6. 1949: The Newfoundland Act is signed, making Newfoundland the tenth province of Canada.
  7. 1968: U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announces that he will not seek reelection.
  8. 1986: A bomb explodes in a crowded discotheque in West Berlin, killing two and injuring more than 100. The United States blames Libya for the attack.
  9. 1991: The Warsaw Pact is officially dissolved, ending the military alliance between the Soviet Union and its Eastern European satellites.
  10. 2013: The United Nations General Assembly approves the Arms Trade Treaty, the first international agreement regulating the $70 billion global trade in conventional weapons.

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The Sage and the Polar Bear

There once was a wise old Sage
Whose wisdom knew no age
He roamed the land, so free and wild
His knowledge great, his nature mild



One day, he met a polar bear
Whose strength, he couldn’t compare
The bear challenged him to a race
Across the ice, at a rapid pace



The Sage smiled and took the bet
He knew he’d give his best yet
With his steps so light and quick
He set off on the icy slick



The polar bear, so strong and fast
Was sure to be the first to last
But The Sage, he had a plan
He used his wit, and his mind ran



With his mind so sharp, and heart so true
He knew just what he had to do
He found shortcuts, and took the lead
The polar bear, he couldn’t succeed



In the end, The Sage won the race
The polar bear, just couldn’t keep pace
So let us learn from this wise Sage
With knowledge and wit, will always engage.

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This Day in History: March 30th

Here is a list of significant events that occurred on March 30th throughout history:

  1. 240 BC – The first recorded perihelion passage of Halley’s Comet takes place.
  2. 1282 – The people of Sicily rebel against the Angevin rule of Charles I, in what is known as the Sicilian Vespers.
  3. 1856 – The Treaty of Paris is signed, ending the Crimean War.
  4. 1867 – The United States purchases Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million, in a deal known as the Alaska Purchase.
  5. 1870 – The Fifteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, granting voting rights to African American men.
  6. 1945 – The Soviet Union invades Austria during World War II.
  7. 1981 – President Ronald Reagan is shot in an assassination attempt outside a Washington, D.C., hotel.
  8. 2002 – Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother of the United Kingdom, dies at the age of 101.
  9. 2010 – The Solar Impulse, the world’s first solar-powered airplane, completes its first successful night flight.
  10. 2019 – The European Union approves a Brexit extension until April 12, 2019, after the UK’s Parliament failed to approve a withdrawal agreement.

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Thought of the Day: Fire

Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.

This is a very interesting way to think about fire.

Fire is a chemical reaction that occurs when a fuel combines with oxygen in the presence of heat. The fuel can be anything that can burn, such as wood, paper, or gasoline. The oxygen comes from the air. The heat can come from a match, a spark, or a flame.

When a fuel burns, it releases energy. This energy can heat up the fuel, causing it to burn faster. It can also heat up the surrounding air, causing it to rise. The rising air can carry the smoke and ash from the fire away.

Fire is not a thing itself. It is a process that occurs when fuel burns. The fuel is what is on fire, not the air or the oxygen. Therefore, when we say something is on fire, we are actually referring to the fact that the object is fueling the chemical reaction that produces the flames. Without the object or material, there would be no fire. In other words, fire is a process that occurs on the surface of objects, rather than a substance that exists on its own.

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Advice of the Day: Dustbusters

Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

You should never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time because it can be dangerous for both you and the cat. The suction power of a Dustbuster can be strong enough to harm a cat, causing injury or discomfort. In addition, the noise and vibration of the Dustbuster can startle the cat, causing it to become scared or aggressive. This can result in the cat scratching or biting you, or trying to run away, which can also cause injury to the cat or damage to your surroundings. It’s important to keep your pets safe by avoiding situations that could harm them and to use cleaning tools responsibly and appropriately.

The Dustbuster is a handheld vacuum cleaner designed for quick and easy cleanups. It was invented in 1979 by Black & Decker, a Maryland-based company that specializes in power tools and home improvement products.

The inspiration for the Dustbuster came from a NASA engineer named Carroll Gantz, who was asked by Black & Decker to design a portable, battery-operated vacuum cleaner. Gantz had previously worked on designing a battery-powered drill for NASA’s Apollo moon landing program, which gave him the expertise to design a small, lightweight vacuum cleaner.

The first Dustbuster was released in 1979 and quickly became a popular household item. The original Dustbuster was designed with a rechargeable battery, which made it convenient and easy to use. Over the years, Black & Decker has continued to innovate and improve the design of the Dustbuster, adding features such as a detachable hose and improved battery life.

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This Day in History: March 28th

Here are 10 significant events that occurred on this day in history:

  1. 1930 – Constantinople is officially renamed Istanbul in Turkey.
  2. 1942 – British naval forces raid the Nazi-occupied French port of Saint-Nazaire.
  3. 1968 – American singer and civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. leads a march in Memphis, Tennessee, where he delivers his famous “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop” speech.
  4. 1979 – A partial meltdown occurs at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant in Pennsylvania, USA.
  5. 1990 – Former US President Ronald Reagan makes his first public speech since leaving office, addressing a rally in support of Republican candidates in Beverly Hills, California.
  6. 1994 – The first successful test of the MIRV missile system is conducted by the US military.
  7. 1999 – The Dow Jones Industrial Average closes above 10,000 for the first time in history.
  8. 2002 – Israel begins its Operation Defensive Shield military campaign in the West Bank, targeting Palestinian militant groups.
  9. 2005 – The 2005 Sumatra earthquake, measuring 8.7 on the Richter scale, strikes off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a tsunami that kills over 1,000 people.
  10. 2017 – The United Kingdom formally triggers Article 50, starting the process of leaving the European Union.

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The 10 best Dog Quotes of all time?

Here are my ten favourite quotes on dogs:

1. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Charles de Gaulle
2. “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras
3. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings
4. “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” – M.K. Clinton
5. “The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” – Samuel Butler
6. “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers
7. “Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.” – Orhan Pamuk
8. “Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” – Agatha Christie
9. “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” – Johnny Depp
10. “The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be.” – Konrad Lorenz

Do you agree? Would you add to, subtract, or substitute any of the above? If so I’ll be happy to read your comments below.

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This Day in History: March 27th

Here are ten significant things that happened on this day in history, March 27th:

  1. 1306 – Robert the Bruce was crowned King of Scots at Scone Palace, Scotland.
  2. 1794 – The United States Congress passed the Naval Act, which authorized the construction of six frigates, marking the birth of the United States Navy.
  3. 1836 – The siege of the Alamo in Texas ended after a 13-day battle, with all of the Texan defenders being killed by the Mexican army.
  4. 1854 – Britain and France declared war on Russia, beginning the Crimean War.
  5. 1912 – The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, D.C. as a gift from Japan.
  6. 1964 – The largest earthquake ever recorded in North America, measuring 9.2 on the Richter scale, struck Alaska, killing over 100 people.
  7. 1977 – Two Boeing 747 passenger jets collided on a runway at Tenerife’s Los Rodeos Airport in the Canary Islands, resulting in 583 fatalities, making it the deadliest aviation accident in history.
  8. 1998 – The Food and Drug Administration approved Viagra, the first pill to treat erectile dysfunction, revolutionizing the treatment of male impotence.
  9. 2014 – The United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution declaring Crimea’s secession from Ukraine and annexation by Russia invalid.
  10. 2019 – The United Kingdom Parliament voted to take control of the Brexit process from Prime Minister Theresa May, in a series of indicative votes on alternative Brexit plans.

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The Sage and the Lightning

Once there was a wise old Sage
Whose knowledge filled the page
He roamed the earth, far and wide
His words of wisdom, never denied



One stormy night, he stood so still
With hands outstretched, atop a hill
He caught the lightning from the sky
Its power, he harnessed with a sigh



With his mind so sharp, and heart so true
He knew just what to do
The lightning’s energy he would store
And wisdom it became, for ever more



From that day on, he shone so bright
And all who saw him, felt the light
The lightning’s power, he would claim
And wisdom he’d impart, to all the same



So let us learn from this wise Sage
His knowledge will help us turn the page
With heart so pure, and mind so clear
His lessons now we all can cheer.

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