The Sage and The Wrestling Monkey


A wise old man, with wisdom sage,
once met a monkey in a wrestling cage.
The monkey fierce, and muscle bound,
was ready for the fight, to astound.



The Sage approached him with a smile,
“Monkey, why do you grapple and pile?
Is it for fame, or wealth, the wish to devour?
Or is there something else you empower?”



The monkey looked at him with surprise,
He never thought of a man so wise.
“I do it for the thrill, the rush, the fight,
I do it to prove my strength and might.”



The Sage looked on with a steady gaze,
and said “My friend, your strength amaze.
But true power comes from within,
not just the force of your body’s spin.”



The monkey scratched his head in confusion,
not sure of The Sage’s conclusion.
“What do you mean, oh wise old Sage?
I thought my strength was the key to the cage.”



The Sage replied, “It’s true, you’re strong,
but true victory is where you belong.
In your heart, where courage dwells,
that’s where true power truly excels.”



The monkey thought about the Sage’s words,
and in that moment, his focus blurred.
He realized that The Sage was right,
and in his heart, true power would ignite.



With newfound strength, he left the ring,
and in that moment, his spirit did sing.
He left the match, with grace and might,
and now he knew, true victory was in sight.



The Sage and monkey parted ways,
but the lesson of The Sage will always stay
With the monkey, now wise and bold,
A story that will forever be told.

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Joke of the Day: Friends

Just changed my Facebook name to ‘benefits’ so when you add me it says ‘You are now friends with benefits’.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realised that toucan play at that game.

An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever.

His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”

The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill.

I’ve sent him a Get Well Soon card.

I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective…

We call him Sherlock Ohms.

I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.

He denied it but I’m sticking to my guns.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said “No”.

I said to my friend, “My wife keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!”

He said, “Are you mad at her?” #

I said, “Geez! Don’t you start too!

In the betting shop and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named Landfill..

Turns out it was a rubbish tip.

My friend ate some pages from a bible and now he’s ill with psalmonella poisoning…

I told my friend that people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them.

He said, “By mistake ?”

I replied “Not you as well !!”

My mate has a new girlfriend who works as a bin lady.

The trouble is he can never remember if he’s taking her out on a Wednesday or a Thursday…

On my tombstone I want it to say:

“I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends”

A dermatologist friend of mine started his career from scratch.

I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I’d not seen in years.

“This is Penny.” I said, introducing my daughter.

“And what’s Penny short for?” he asked.

“Because she’s only four”

My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.

He’s got back issues.

My farmer friend used his government grant aid to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

I’m off cheese hunting at the weekend, it’s going to be great.

Just me and my friend, shooting the bries…

My friend told me he was worried about his guitar playing addiction…

I told him to calm down and not to fret.

I visited my new friend in his apartment.

He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out.

I hate visitors.

My friend said I couldn’t make up any puns about Cuba.

I said, “You’re Havana laugh mate!”

My friend was sent to prison last year for excessive burping.

He’s finally been let out with a pardon.

My friend has lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on his head.

It’s a new loaf hat diet he’s trying.

My friend got a pet beaver and has called him Clint.

Clint Eatswood.

Yesterday one of my best friends told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was a really hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

My friends were amazed when I told them I can predict the future using herbs.

“Is it true?” they asked.

“Only thyme will tell”, I replied.

I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend more often lately…

It means a lot to him.

My friend Joe recently went on the ‘Dolly Parton diet.’

It really made Joe lean…

My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.

I always see Himalayan there.

People are sometimes curious enough to become Facebook friends for a clandestine look at someone else’s boredom.

A friend of mine has just graduated from ballet school with a 2:2.

My friends accused me of being tight-fisted, so to prove them wrong I bought them a beer.

Turns out they wanted one each.

My friend Jack Hughes just got a job as a prosecutor in France…

One of my friends is a really stubborn hardcore raver.

She keeps trying to make me rave with her!

She won’t techno for an answer.

A friend of mine thinks the story of how he got an orthopaedic shoe is hilarious but I think he’s built it up too much.

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it’s flat!

In the end, he came around.

The three things I’m grateful for:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Caller ID to avoid family and friends.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.

He said he couldn’t complain.

I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day…

I said, “you disgust me.”

“Yes, we did.” they replied.

I once thought I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my imagine Asian.

My friend Timmy was once bitten by a rattlesnake, and if I knew the difference between antidote and anecdote he’d still be alive today.

My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer.

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel.

I told him to steer clear.

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I’m homeless.

I have a friend that sells second-hand mountaineering equipment…

It’s money for old rope.

I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

The odds were against me.

My friend keeps saying, “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

My friend Gav died from heartburn this morning.

I can’t believe Gaviscon.

All my friends keep saying that my new wife is imaginary…

Joke’s on them, so are they!

Elton John wanted to send his friends an invite to his house for a fancy evening party but couldn’t find the right phrase…

Soiree seems to be the hardest word.

My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.

So he handed me another one.

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money’s on Dave.

My friend bet me £100 that I couldn’t do a butterfly impression…

I thought, ‘that’s got to be worth a little flutter’…

People saying “BOO!!!” to their friends has risen by 85% in the last year…

That’s a frightening statistic.

My friend has written a book about equine dentistry. I asked him how he found his information and he told me it was straight from the horses mouth…

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat. In the end, he came around.

A friend asked me to re-turf a field so that they could carry out a civil war re-enactment…

I thought “Sod that for a game of soldiers!”

Last year I got booed by my family and friends because the fireworks I lit went off in the wrong sequence…

Bang out of order.

My imaginary friend is staying this weekend.

I’ve made his bed up.

A friend of mine used to live in a lake filled with ducks but he moved out when he got fed up with all the bills.

A friend passed his degree in sound engineering.

He got a 1-2-1-2.

A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because he was so good at telling people where to get off.

Got my friend a cake in the shape of pac man.

At least that’s what I told him when he saw what it looked like…

Friend of mine lost his job as a courier driver.

He just wasn’t delivering the goods.

A friend’s pessimistic attitude cost him his job as a barman.  

With him, the glass was always half empty.

A friend of mine got a job as a judge for a mime talent contest.

It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.

A friend of mine is a carpet fitter.

Walter Wall.

My friend worked in a circus who did a human cannonball act.

Never replaced him when he retired, couldn’t find anyone else of the same calibre.

An economist friend told me to put something away for a rainy day. 

I’ve gone for an umbrella.

Friend of mine keeps setting fire to her mortgage statements.

Bernadette.

A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after a storm, and flew through a rainbow.

He passed with flying colours.

My friend got taken to hospital because he’s convinced that he’s turned into a vacuum cleaner.

Just phoned to see how he is and they say he’s picking up.

My friend told me he’s really bored with his job as a sewer inspector.

He said he feels like he’s just going through the motions…

A friend of mine keeps getting tweets offering him cans of chopped ham and pork.

I’ve told him that it’s just spam.

I was arguing with a friend in Pizza Hut the other day when my best mate came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table, and ran off.

I wish he would stop taking sides.

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Quote of the Day: Defeat

“Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it.”

Joe Clark

Joe Clark was the 16th Prime Minister of Canada from 1979 to 1980. He was the leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Canada and the first Conservative Prime Minister since John Diefenbaker. He was an outspoken advocate of constitutional reform.

This quote means that failure can be overcome if you don’t let it overwhelm you. It encourages resilience and positivity even in the face of adversity. It reminds us that failure is only a temporary setback and that with the right attitude, it can be turned into an opportunity for growth and learning. It’s only truly painful if you allow yourself to dwell on it and be consumed by negative feelings. If you don’t let it get to you and instead choose to learn from it and move forward, defeat will not have a lasting negative impact.

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The Sage Juggles Fire


The wise old Sage, with grey in his hair,
Juggled fire with nimble care.
On the streets he would busk,
His skills a sight not to be hushed.



With a twirl and a spin,
He juggled fire, not to win.
But to show the young and old,
That wisdom can be bold.



For in his eyes, a flame did glisten,
A spark of knowledge, better listen.
And as the fire danced in his hands,
The crowds would gather, to hear his commands.



He spoke of life, and love, and fate,
And how through life to navigate,
The tests and trials and tribulations,
That make us who we are, with no hesitations.



So if you see him, on the street,
Don’t pass him by, just take a seat.
And watch the wise old Sage,
Juggle fire, with wisdom and age.


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Advice of the Day: Wipers

If you leave your wipers up, an officer won’t be able to leave a fine. Your money will be saved.

Here are some reported cases of large parking fines:

In London, UK, in 2019, a motorist was issued a fine of £160,000 (approximately $205,000 USD) for repeatedly parking in a designated doctor-only parking spot near a hospital.

In 2013, a man in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, was fined over $100,000 for repeatedly parking his car in a handicapped spot.

In 2018, a man in Moscow, Russia, was fined nearly $70,000 for repeatedly parking his car in a designated space for the disabled.

It’s important to note that these fines are exceptional cases and not the typical amount one would expect to pay for a parking violation! Park safely!

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Thought of the Day: Straws

Does a straw have one hole or two?

Here are some facts about straws:

  1. The first drinking straw was made from ryegrass in 1888.
  2. The modern plastic straw was invented in the 1930s.
  3. The average person in the USA uses 1.6 straws per day.
  4. There are currently 500 million straws being used in the US every day.
  5. Straws are one of the top 10 items found in beach cleanups.
  6. Straws are not recyclable, and take up to 200 years to decompose.
  7. Paper straws can last up to three hours in a beverage before they start to break down.
  8. In 2017, Seattle became the first major US city to ban plastic straws.
  9. McDonald’s uses around 55 million straws every day.
  10. In 2018, the UK government proposed to ban plastic straws, stirrers, and cotton buds.

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The Sage and the Jigsaw Puzzle


A wise old Sage with wrinkled face
Sat quietly in his special place
With puzzle pieces spread all around
He made not a single sound



He worked with care, piece by piece
His wisdom on full display, at least
He knew just where each one belonged
With patience and skill, he never wronged



As the puzzle began to take shape
A sense of pride, he couldn’t escape
For he knew that just like this game
Life can be solved with focus and aim



With a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye
He knew the answer, never to lie
So let us learn from this old Sage
And in life’s puzzles, let us engage.

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Joke of the Day: Crosswords

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.

I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R.

If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over and say 7up is lemonade.

My teacher always said, “violence is never the answer”.

I’m stuck on the last clue on a £1000 prize crossword. 26 across – behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.

It’s V _ _ L _ N _ E

Any ideas?

Just lost in the final of the ‘UK Crossword Championship’…

Gutted isn’t the word!

Just been to the doctor and told him I was finishing crossword puzzles too quickly.

He replied ” try not to get two down”

Just spotted exactly the same crossword clue for an eleven letter word in two different newspapers.

Coincidence?

I like all sorts of puzzles, like jigsaws and crosswords, but dot to dots are where I draw the line.

The first rule of Crossword Club is (3,4,4,5,9,4).

I asked a friend if crossword compilers made up words.

He said, “No, just down and across words”.

I didn’t realise that I was addicted to crosswords but when I look back now, all the clues were there.

I know a chap who compiles crosswords and just turned 100.

He was sent an anagram from the King.

“Can’t get this crossword clue, ‘Overloaded Postman’”

“How many letters?

“Thousands of them”.

Woke up the other day with a puzzled look on my face.

I’d fallen asleep on my crossword.

A friend was in a theatre production about crossword puns.

It was a play on words.

I suspect there will never be an edible version of a crossword, but if there is, I’ll eat my words.

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Quote of the Day: Mistakes

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein was a German-born theoretical physicist who developed the theory of relativity and is widely regarded as one of the most influential scientists of the 20th century. He was also a philosopher and humanist whose work had a major impact on the development of science and society.

This quote means that taking risks and trying new things may result in mistakes, but without taking risks, we cannot learn and grow. It is important to take risks and push ourselves outside of our comfort zone in order to discover and achieve new things.

The quote means that making mistakes is a natural part of trying new things and that those who never make mistakes likely haven’t taken risks or attempted anything innovative. It suggests that making mistakes is a necessary component of growth and learning. Let’s make some mistakes in the search for progress today!

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Advice of the Day: Time Saving

There is never enough time in the morning. Try to combine brushing your teeth with your breakfast.

The first toothbrush is believed to have been invented by the Chinese in 1498. It was a brush made of hog hair attached to a handle.

According to the American Dental Association, the average person in the United Kingdom and the United States consumes three toothbrushes per year. The American Dental Association recommends that people replace their toothbrushes every three to four months.

A typical British breakfast usually consists of eggs, bacon, sausages, toast, mushrooms, tomatoes, and fried bread, while a typical American breakfast typically consists of eggs, bacon or sausage, toast, pancakes, oatmeal, and/or cereal.

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