The Wise Sage returns with another hilariously reckless “Advice of the Day.” This time he tackles treating a cold with a truly bizarre, counter-intuitive solution involving slugs and questionable life choices. In true Viz Top Tips style, this guide is absurd, surreal, and guaranteed to raise eyebrows.
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Quote of the Day: Deception
In today’s Quote of the Day, The Sage reflects on deception and appearances. Fraud may hide behind impressive displays, but closer inspection often reveals how cheaply it is constructed. A thoughtful reminder to look beyond surface impressions and recognise the difference between genuine substance and carefully staged illusion.
This Day in History: April 15th, 1692
Henry Harrison was executed in 1692 for the murder of Dr Nicholas Clench, a London physician. The case centred on financial motive, suspicious circumstances, and Harrison’s contradictory statements at trial, highlighting how early modern justice often relied on credibility as much as concrete evidence.
This Day in History: April 14th, 1860
In 1860, a routine police check in Marylebone turned violent when two men brutally attacked Constable Thomas Bell with life-preservers. Mistaking them for help, he was struck down and left bleeding in the street. Both attackers were later captured and sentenced to eight years’ penal servitude.
Quote of the Day: Anger
In today’s Quote of the Day, The Sage reflects on anger and self-control. Strong emotions can feel overwhelming, but there is always a moment to pause and observe before reacting. A thoughtful reminder that awareness and restraint can transform even the most intense impulses into opportunities for clarity and calm.
Advice of the Day: Cleaning the Bathroom
Advice of the Day: Cleaning the Bathroom
Today’s Viz Top Tip:
Save time cleaning your bathroom by setting off a small, controlled explosion and starting again.
Bathroom cleaning can involve scrubbing, chemicals, and an uncomfortable awareness of what you’re actually dealing with. The Wise Sage believes this is an inefficient use of both time and dignity.
Instead, take a more decisive approach. By removing the bathroom entirely, you eliminate not only the dirt, but the very concept of cleaning. A carefully judged detonation (or, failing that, aggressive demolition with a hammer while muttering “that’ll do it”) allows you to return the room to a blank canvas — or at least a vaguely alarming hole.
For those seeking a less dramatic method, the Sage recommends turning on all taps, blocking the drains, and allowing nature to conduct a full-scale “rinse cycle” of the entire room. Over time, either the bathroom will be clean, or it will no longer be recognisably a bathroom — both acceptable outcomes.
If questioned, simply say you are “renovating.” This is a remarkably versatile explanation and will prevent most follow-up enquiries.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for structural damage, confused neighbours, or explaining to an insurance company why your sink is now in the garden.
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The Wise Sage returns with another hilariously reckless “Advice of the Day.” This time he tackles cleaning the bathroom with a completely unusable, nuclear-level solution involving demolition and total reset. In true Viz Top Tips style, this guide is absurd, chaotic, and guaranteed to avoid actual cleaning altogether.
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This Day in History: April 13th, 1743
In 1743, apprentice Elizabeth Cannon and lodger Ann Ellard robbed their bedridden mistress after a night of drunken planning. Caught within hours, they confessed and were sentenced to death. This tragic Old Bailey case reveals how quickly crime, drink, and desperation could lead to the gallows in Georgian London.
Quote of the Day: The Futility of Hostility
In today’s Quote of the Day, The Sage reflects on conflict and restraint. Hostility may feel purposeful, but often creates more mess than progress. A thoughtful reminder that reacting with anger rarely leads to meaningful outcomes, and that clarity and calm offer a more effective path toward understanding and resolution.
Advice of the Day: Choosing a Pet
The Wise Sage returns with another hilariously reckless “Advice of the Day.” This time he tackles choosing a pet with bold, counter-intuitive wisdom, suggesting you simply pick the loudest animal available. In true Viz Top Tips style, this guide to pet ownership is chaotic, unpredictable, and dangerously entertaining.
This Day in History: 10 April 1771
In 1771, sailor John Commings was convicted of perjury after falsely accusing Captain Richard Broad of murdering Thomas Scott aboard the King David. This remarkable Old Bailey case exposed contradictions, collapsing testimony, and the deadly danger of false evidence in an age when a man’s life could hang on a witness’s word.
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